Post 1

So being pregnant is hard. Being pregnant and moving across the country, getting married, and being away from everyone you have ever known is harder. Oh lets add clinical depression and ptsd and getting taken off your meds all at once in there as well... While we are at it lets go ahead and say no counselors. I am 26 weeks pregnant and the only reason I have not ended my life is for the baby. I know no one is going to read this but I need to type it out for my benefit. I don't know what to do. I married a marine and now I am half way across the country and away from everything and everyone I have ever known. I am on a military base and not aloud to work because of the difficult pregnancy. Oh and did I forget to mention I have lupus? Yup. My body hates me and I am starting to think my husband does too. I begged to go into the hospital last night so that I could get help for the suicidal thoughts that keep racing through my mind to no avail. He told me just to do it rolled over and went back to sleep. I can't keep doing this. I can't keep not sleeping and having such major panic attacks that I pass out. My puppy is training to be my service dog and he just does not understand why I am having so many. Its starting to stress the little guy out. I don't know what to do and I don't know who to turn to.